Monday, January 30, 2012

2 years today

When they were here over the holidays, I was telling Kel and my father than anything that happened beyond the last 4 years feels like a different life - just over 4 years ago we adopted David, 4 months later came mom's diagnosis, 21 months of time with her until she passed, then Tahoe's cancer diagnosis and passing, then Kel's cancer diagnosing and fighting. Anything beyond that? Too far back to remember.

But back to today, we have again arrived at the anniversary of my mother's death from endometrial cancer ... almost down to the hour this time. Jan 30, 2010 somewhere around 7:30pm PCT, Dena David took her last pained breath, her suffering ceased, and we lost a loving wife, mother, and dear friend.

2 years already, really? And at the same time, I feel like that is a lifetime ago. How can 2 years simultaneously feel like forever and yesterday all at once?

No insight today, no shining memoir, nothing but a hard, sad day with just me and David tonight (and he is too bright and bubbly for me to make him sad with my sadness, so kept on a happy face with him). But time does make the pain less, and brings forward more memories of good times than hard ones.

I love you everyday, mom, and miss you just as often.


p.s. Kel's CT scan for his 7 month post-surgery followup was today, not sure if that was a good omen or not. Then a black cat ran in front of my car on the drive home ... not liking the omens. But I just keep trying to tell myself whatever will be, will be, and whatever fight we have to take one, we will take on. Que sera, sera