Writhing, wincing, agonizing pain.
I was just reading some online forums about this and one guy said it well "figures the stuff that's helping my system hurts more than the poison". Ok, so the poison sux too, but this is like adding insult to injury ... in a life-saving way.
Kel didn't work today, too tired and still not feeling well. One week of chemo is equalling 2 weeks off work at this rate. Can I donate my leave time to him? It seems I need to try and use up that and my vacation time soon anyway.
Kel didn't sleep well last night either - couldn't stop his mind from going a mile a minute. Not great, positive stuff either, which is ok. He is very positive often, but it is only natural and expected to let his mind think of the bad what-could-be's sometimes. Then tonight we had a good conversation about it all, and from that Kel said something really funny (and a little morbid, so beware):
He said he needs to make it another year or two because he can't pass on during an NFL lockout year. He needs to see his precious Pats play a little bit more.
I cracked up at that one. Sad, but true. Sometimes you have to take the humor where you can.
David has been really good lately at school, at home, everywhere. So good that he got a new toy today - a Marvel kids car with a little ironman (we have to replace a lot of the action figures that Saja ate!). And tomorrow we will take him to karate for the first time in weeks and let him run around a bit more. It should be fun.
Sunday is Kel's 37th birthday. I am trying to get some cake ideas from Dad to make something special for it. Not sure what else we will do - whatever Kel wants (Mega-Birthday-Cancer-Card), I guess. He is still on his "I don't want to be a burden" to anyone kick, so hopefully he will at least make a request. If you talk to him, please feel free to encourage him to do something special that day. Other than get him a new phone.
Have a few sux for tonight, so going back to the list form:
1. Bone pain so bad Kel called it "run over by a Mack truck" pain. And that is from the good meds.
2. Having cancer side effects on a birthday. Going to overshadow the good that day.
3. Extreme fatigue and malaise that makes Kel unable to function. I worked from home this afternoon just to make sure he was ok because he was that bad.
4. Last one, from Kel, time spent in the hospital - too long being cooped up, feeling down. A few days is like a vacation, but past that was hard. Probably even more once David couldn't come in too.
A Doesn't suck list:
1. From Kel - Claritin! I know it sounds funny, but to help with the bone pain we were looking online just before I started writing on the blog and I saw many posts about Claritin helping. Kel had already taken a few oxycodone to no avail. He added the claritin about 30 min ago and has finally gotten some relief!
2. David. He has been really good lately. I was a little worried about how he would handle not being able to jump on daddy again, but he has been doing great.
3. Cancer humor. Morbid, dark, just plain wrong, but still funny.
Off to sleep for now (another doesn't suck - sleeping).
Love,
T
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