Sunday, March 20, 2011

Hard weekend

The end of chemo has been harder than anticipated. Kel has slept most of the weekend and is the sickest he has felt. Nothing concrete to describe, nausea, heartburn, fatigue that goes beyond previous experiences. No fun. Oh ... and short fuse (that is one I am reporting, not him).

We went to the movies tonight though, just he and I, and saw 'Paul', a comedy from the same crew as 'Shaun of the Dead' and 'Hot Fuzz'. While I found their other 2 movies more funny, this one was still enjoyable. By the time we left and got David, though, Kel was anxious to get home.

David was a GREAT listener, thankfully! Didn't throw a fit when I picked him up (he was among good play friends and having fun) and even gave Daddy his Spiderman toy - the most precious McD-find ever - to make him feel better while David took a bath. When we came downstairs to say goodnight after the bath, he took it back. But when he heard that it was making Daddy feel better ... he turned around and gave it back to Daddy. Almost made me cry. I am very proud of David tonight.

I am also a bit sad ... and this one is also from David. We were looking through many pictures tonight (he wanted to look at the few albums we have around). He didn't remember my mother as Nana, or Tahoe at all. It has been less than a year since we lost Tahoe and just over a year for my mother, but memories are fading for him already. So damn not fare.

Cancer Sux. It takes loved ones away from us and if we are old enough they stay forever in our minds and memories. But not for the young. The young, so in awe and love with their Nana, forgets a year later. And that hurts my heart. A lot.

I know Friday's post was happier, but today's is not.

Cancer sux for even when therapy is supposed to be done for Kel he feels worse than ever. We got him some iron pills today so he can produce more red blood cells, since his anemia is contributing to the fatigue. Hopefully it will help in a week or so. For now I may have to take tomorrow off to take care of him - he has some appointments. And I was worried about having too much sick time leftover when I switch jobs ... ha!

I am feeling sad, so we are definitely going with what SUX tonight, in bullet form:
-Cancer, that is a given
-Dashing the hopes of being done, i.e. feeling sick post-therapy
-Short memories of babes
-Gonna list cancer again
-Not being able to help, both because Kel doesn't let me (he is tired of me asking what I can do) and because there is nothing I can do.
-Non-transferrable Cancer ... at least we could split the sux part
-The end of Spring Break - it has been nice spending time with the family and not teaching 3 times a week on top of working my 50+ hr/week job

So many have it so much worse, and in the scheme of things this too shall pass. But for tonight I want to sink into a little sad hole and just go cry myself to sleep. We will be better tomorrow.

Off to be sad, which is ok,

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