Tuesday, January 18, 2011

14 years

That is how long Kel and I have been together, as of today. On 1/18/1997 we had our first date - a double date, actually, with my friend Stephanie and his friend Stu, the ones who set us up. We had met a few months before (right around Halloween, with me dressed as Pippi Longstocking - including the braids out to the side), but Kel was too shy to ask me out. So Stu set it all up, and was even late picking up Stephanie and I. We all went to Applebee's.

14 years later we were going to try to go back to Applebee's, and each have salads like we did that night (and sadly, we did and we both remember that) .. with a 3.5 year old rather than Stu and Steph, but Kel wasn't up to going out. Today was a chemo day again.

We actually both forgot. We celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary this year, and we tend to forget the dating one. I kind of remembered the date when I was riding home to get Kel to bring him to a doctor's appointment. It hasn't all been perfect; we have definitely had the normal ups and downs of married life - getting used to it all the first year, me going through grad school, Kel going through border patrol academy and then border patrol life, our road to a family and to David - lots of trials and tribulations. I won't say I wouldn't trade anything - there are definitely some times we could have skipped - but I wouldn't trade my husband, or our life.

All this of me being nice, and I actually had a rough day? Ugh. It actually was a rough one. I officially reached my breaking point - both with David and in general. It is rough being patient enough for two with Kel being a little down for the count. David is a typical crazy almost four year old boy. He is great at daycare, and wreaks havoc with us at home (although he really is good with Kel being sick). This morning he was with me at the cancer center where I really could have used an extra dose of patience, and tonight he tugged on my last string at the library's storytime. It took all I had not to explode, and once we were done with his punishment (leaving the room for 15 minutes), I needed a break to go and cry. One of the first times I have cried in 3 weeks.

And it isn't David ... or Kel ... or the dogs, or work, or teaching, or anything in particular. It just all came together and broke me tonight. But it is ok. The pieces can be put back together, and it is nothing a little sleep won't fix. Or some chocolate? ;)

Enough about me, though ... onto the Kel report:
-Had the single chemo drug today. Was a quick infusion, although we were still at the cancer center for almost 2 hours. Wiped him out a little, and Kel slept for 1.5-2 hrs.
-He went to the first briefing with his new squad since the schedules just changed. I think that was good for him - got to see his new squad, see people at the station ... just good.
-Kel also had a follow-up with the urologist today. We got back the pathology report (finally), which held nothing unknown. Typed the cancer as a pathology stage II nonseminoma, but a clinical stage III due to the metastases. We learned more about the coming months in terms of the stent exchange, possible surgery follow up, etc. Kel's incision is still open and bleeding a little, so they took a look. It is ok, just old blood - looks like some clotting in the wound, probably all from the anti-clotting meds (a little counter-intuitive, I know).
-Work starts again for him tomorrow, this time with a hostage negotiator training day. Nothing physical, just some learning techniques, etc. I start teaching night classes tomorrow, so he will be in charge of David and the boys. If he needs help, the neighbors on both sides will be here. Wish him luck!

The nightly 'things that suck' - this one is easy ... reaching my breaking point. The flooding of too much emotion at one time is exhausting, and as usual I am tired. Going to get some sleep now, long day tomorrow.

Cancer still sux.


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