Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Kel is managing his pain better today - stopped being so stubborn about taking his pain meds and is staying on schedule so that he doesn't writhe too much. Good patients don't suck!

Not much going on today or tomorrow, although his squad is coming over to have lunch with Kel - they are bringing him BBQ. Should be great! Kel will be ecstatic because I hate BBQ and generally won't go to get it, so he doesn't get to eat one of his favorite foods often. Being married to me must suck? ;) hopefully not ...

Tonight we did try to recapitulate the cuteness of David. The other day, and this may have actually been before we knew it was cancer, when we thought Daddy was just in a massive amount of pain, David told us that he had grabbed the owie from Daddy, threw it outside and made it go up, up, up and Daddy was all better. It was uber-sweet. We tried to have him do that again on video tonight, not quite the same but still cute, and I tried to load it on youtube from my phone. Can't tell if it worked or not, but if I can find it I will post the link. David curing cancer with his magic three-year oldness definitely does not suck.

Boredom and waiting has seemed to set in for Kel. He has not done a whole lot over the past few days and we are both looking forward to starting something on Friday and more on Monday. Time to kick this cancer's butt! This stage III (a? not sure, should find out more Friday) nonseminoma (that is what he has, btw) won't know what hit it. :) Positive attitude will get you far, and although I will digress from positivity below ... Kel will beat this, of that I AM sure.

Tonight I am full of things that don't suck, but cancer still does. Strikes indiscriminantly, at any age (although normally older) and even if it is the earliest stage, easiest to cure cancer, the word alone strikes fear. Sometimes it is treatable, and sometimes it is not, and although we all (cancer researchers) work very hard everyday to figure out more causes and more treatments and more options and safer treatments, there is a lot we don't know and can't do.

It is frustrating, maddening, saddening, to have SO MUCH cancer around and to feel helpless. I can explain what is going on, and what the treatments are and what they do ... and that may help ease a patient's mind, but it doesn't take the cancer away. It doesn't treat the condition with less toxicity. It doesn't do jack.

I told Kel yesterday I would take 1/2 of his cancer burden from him to ease the pain .. we are planning the first ever tumor transplant, because I just want to take his pain away. Take his cancer away. Take all of this away. But for all of the schooling and work and research, all I can do is get him some soup, let him know we love him, and watch while he suffers. Not having magical three-year old curing powers sux.

Wishing I was 3 again,


  1. BTW, for those reading this who don't know me, thought I would post a link to a cool video the local PBS did. Has all 3 of us in it, although mainly me.

  2. Don't we all wish that we were 3 again? When nothing bad really ever happened, and if it did you would have the power (like David) to make it go away but just throwing it up into the air?!

    Give Kel a hug for us, and let him know we are thinking about him always!!!

  3. T, I totally think we should all get another crack at childhood. It would be way more fun knowing how crappy adulthood can be sometimes. 2010 had lots of suck to it. Here's to 2011! ((Hugs)) mama.